based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
