She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The adults are the big ones right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
