dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
