sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
