i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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