I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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