I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
