can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
