She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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