Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
