"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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