I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
pray to the hookup gods
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
