I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
