The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
