Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
