He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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