who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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