Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
