I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
