and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
