No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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