using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
