I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
