we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
