I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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