It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
