He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
