Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
