The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
