well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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