And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
