Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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