So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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