i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
