I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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