Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
