Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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