he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
