i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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