My liver just broke up with me...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
