I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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