I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
