remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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