It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
