I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sext me about skeletons
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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