he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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