We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
