Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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