Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
