I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
