We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
