I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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