now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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