The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
