need another drink. this is the easiest way
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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