I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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