thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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