He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
