Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I supernannyed him into submission
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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