I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
