you guys were way drunker than both of me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
