her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize